I am not a skinny girl.
I hate my body most days. I hate that I have psoriasis. I hate my open-mouth smile. I hate that I've never been in a relationship. I hate that I am lonely. I hate that I am overemotional. I hate that I get compulsive and obsess over shows or trivia. I hate that my range is broken. I hate that I wear a size 14 dress. I hate that I am not as confident as I seem. I hate that I am angry. I hate that I don't think that I'm pretty. I hate that I'm not worthwhile. I hate that I am honest, but withhold a lot of the truth.
Eighteen years, I have been dealing with the things that I hate about myself. Eighteen long years. As a teenager growing into womanly adulthood, I am dealing with a lot more these days. I see what is on the television and in magazines. I see what the world tells me to see. I see what everyone is saying I should look like. I understand what the world tells me, I really do. There are things I love about myself-my laugh, nose, eyes, sense of humor- but I'm not going into that. The thing is, I have accepted who I am, sort of. I have accepted and embraced the fact that I am not skinny. I'm not all that confident, and I know it. I try my best though, and sometimes it's good enough, and sometimes it's not.
I have a hard time with comparing myself to other girls my age, sometimes my closest friends. But if I changed my outward appearance, it wouldn't help how I feel on the inside. I could get skinny and wear a size 6, but if I'm unable to accept myself, none of that matter. I go through days where I am so angry that I'm not the standard. I get so upset after watching a rom-com that I just cry and cry over the fact that I won't get the guy. But, I have begun to accept myself. I like me most of the time. I may not like certain attributes of myself, but holistically, I'm pretty awesome. It has taken me a long long time for this, and I still struggle daily. Every single day. I get angry, sure, but I can't live my life letting that get me down. If I want to, I can change for the better. Whether it's for you or for me is when it becomes an issue. I will not change simply because somebody wants me to. I have to want to do it for myself. But, there will always be a part of me that has this self hatred for some things. It's hard to rid yourself of those things. It's hard to fix what eighteen years has built up.
I am not a skinny girl. However, I am extraordinary in other ways. People just don't know it.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Equality
So, it's 9:37 a.m. Central time, and I'm sitting in my grandmother's house, everyone is asleep, and I'm listening to Hair thinking about peace, hippies, love, war, and mostly, equality. Hair, the musical, always puts me in a big protesting mood for some reason. I think that it has a very apparent message, and everyone should listen to it. Aside from that thought about Hair, the rest of this will make sense.
(I think that was my segue into what I actually want to talk about.)
For those who know me well, they know that I'm quite the advocate for treating people the same no matter race, gender, sexual orientation, political affiliation, mental state, or religion. I have friends from everywhere. I've friends who are gay, black, Mormon, Republicans, mentally retarded (yes, in the actual sense of the word where it isn't an insult.), bisexual, Egyptian, Atheist, and so much more. I grew up in a way where I treated everyone the same, and there wasn't a prejudice against others. I am not quite sure what put me in this kind of spin this morning, but Ithink it might be know it is this video. I follow Gavin Creel on Facebook, not only because of his talent when it comes to Broadway--twice nominated for a Tony-- and that I like him, but also because of his involvement and co-founding in Broadway Impact (I recommend implore that you click the link if you want to know more).
I'm not gay, but I certainly advocate for those who are and their rights. In every one of the fifty states in the United States, I have the right to marry whomever I desire, which is awesome for me, but totally sucks for others who don't have that right. There are five, five states that perform gay marriages: Vermont, Connecticut, Iowa, New Hampshire, and Massachusetts, and in Washington D.C. Wow. 5 states out of 50. That's 1/10 of our country. 10%. Wow. Not only that, but same-sex adoptions aren't allowed in many states, which I find absolutely heartbreaking. There really is no reason that two men or two women can't take care of and love a child as a man-woman couple can. In my opinion, and many others, a gay couple being married affects nobody else. Marriage is not only an open proclamation of love, but it also gives financial and other legal rights that should be afforded to everyone. I also strongly believe that gay couples should have the right to have children and adopt.
There have been equality revolutions forever. Women wanted to have equal rights, and for the most part, we have them. For that, I am forever grateful. I can go to college. I can vote. It's great. Blacks wanted their equality, and got it. So, answer me this: why can't gays? I don't understand how it is anyone else's business about how someone lives their life. People should be able to love who the want, where they want, how they want, no matter the consequences or risk of persecution. I want to live in a country where gays can marry. I hope that my own children will grown up in a world where everyone can get married, and nobody's persecuted. It's unjust. It's unconstitutional. In a country where we claim freedom, we sure do love to give it to only people we think should have it, not everyone. Let's stand by our word and give everyone the same freedom and rights. Our country is a lot more than red tape and ridiculous bureaucrats who don't care about the people who have wants. It's about the people's voices and our rights to use them.
No matter what, everyone deserves the same treatment and rights. It's not a privilege. It's a right. It's human decency. Let's give everyone what they deserve. If you live in a state that doesn't have same-sex marriage rights, do something about it. Don't just sit on your ass complaining; do something. There is stuff all over the internet. You can contact people and get in touch with those who want to help. Part of the whole problem is that not many people are stepping up and facing the problems. We have to face problems head on. I can email and call all I want, but it takes more than just one person, and when more than one person say something together, it gets harder and harder to block out the voices.
I understand and know that not everyone agrees with me on this topic. But I figure that if one person disagrees with me, one or more people agree, and then things will change. I may be a high schooler, but I have plans to help change our country and mindsets for the future. I am okay with people dropping me as friends or alienating me for my beliefs because I'm ready to stand up for mine. This is not an issue in which I will back down easily. I will stand up for this for as long as it's necessary, and I truly hope others do, too.
(I think that was my segue into what I actually want to talk about.)
For those who know me well, they know that I'm quite the advocate for treating people the same no matter race, gender, sexual orientation, political affiliation, mental state, or religion. I have friends from everywhere. I've friends who are gay, black, Mormon, Republicans, mentally retarded (yes, in the actual sense of the word where it isn't an insult.), bisexual, Egyptian, Atheist, and so much more. I grew up in a way where I treated everyone the same, and there wasn't a prejudice against others. I am not quite sure what put me in this kind of spin this morning, but I
I'm not gay, but I certainly advocate for those who are and their rights. In every one of the fifty states in the United States, I have the right to marry whomever I desire, which is awesome for me, but totally sucks for others who don't have that right. There are five, five states that perform gay marriages: Vermont, Connecticut, Iowa, New Hampshire, and Massachusetts, and in Washington D.C. Wow. 5 states out of 50. That's 1/10 of our country. 10%. Wow. Not only that, but same-sex adoptions aren't allowed in many states, which I find absolutely heartbreaking. There really is no reason that two men or two women can't take care of and love a child as a man-woman couple can. In my opinion, and many others, a gay couple being married affects nobody else. Marriage is not only an open proclamation of love, but it also gives financial and other legal rights that should be afforded to everyone. I also strongly believe that gay couples should have the right to have children and adopt.
There have been equality revolutions forever. Women wanted to have equal rights, and for the most part, we have them. For that, I am forever grateful. I can go to college. I can vote. It's great. Blacks wanted their equality, and got it. So, answer me this: why can't gays? I don't understand how it is anyone else's business about how someone lives their life. People should be able to love who the want, where they want, how they want, no matter the consequences or risk of persecution. I want to live in a country where gays can marry. I hope that my own children will grown up in a world where everyone can get married, and nobody's persecuted. It's unjust. It's unconstitutional. In a country where we claim freedom, we sure do love to give it to only people we think should have it, not everyone. Let's stand by our word and give everyone the same freedom and rights. Our country is a lot more than red tape and ridiculous bureaucrats who don't care about the people who have wants. It's about the people's voices and our rights to use them.
No matter what, everyone deserves the same treatment and rights. It's not a privilege. It's a right. It's human decency. Let's give everyone what they deserve. If you live in a state that doesn't have same-sex marriage rights, do something about it. Don't just sit on your ass complaining; do something. There is stuff all over the internet. You can contact people and get in touch with those who want to help. Part of the whole problem is that not many people are stepping up and facing the problems. We have to face problems head on. I can email and call all I want, but it takes more than just one person, and when more than one person say something together, it gets harder and harder to block out the voices.
I understand and know that not everyone agrees with me on this topic. But I figure that if one person disagrees with me, one or more people agree, and then things will change. I may be a high schooler, but I have plans to help change our country and mindsets for the future. I am okay with people dropping me as friends or alienating me for my beliefs because I'm ready to stand up for mine. This is not an issue in which I will back down easily. I will stand up for this for as long as it's necessary, and I truly hope others do, too.
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