A question in what people think is beautiful.

Often, in pop culture, we see that beauty is defined by how much makeup we wear or what kind of clothes we wear. For this experiment, I took a shower and started.

Left Side (your right side):

:

I left my face completely natural. I didn’t do anything to my hair, all I did was pull it up, I left my face completely bare and wore a hoodie to show what I usually wear. This is how I look on a day to day basis, and I like it. It’s easy and simple and clean. I prefer it.

Right Side (your left):

For the right side of my face, I completely straightened my hair and did all of my makeup, wore a dress and earrings. I guess this is what I would dress like if I wanted to go on a night out or something.

This is what I looked like:

What I want to know is this: which side do people prefer? In my daily life, people only seem to notice me, guys only seem to notice me, if I look like the right side. Thing is, it bugs me. I mean, yes, I do feel a bit more confident and more sexy if I wear makeup and a cute dress, but does that really take away from the fact that I think I look beautiful without makeup and hair being done? Why has society told us that we have to be all dolled up in order to be beautiful? I’m not saying that makeup is bad, I’m just wondering why we have to wear it to feel good. Honestly, I want to know an answer to why people tend to gravitate toward the right side.

A Trip Down Highschool Memory Lane...

I graduate from high school on Friday. The 3rd. I graduate. This is completely mind blowing. There is so much that I have done that revolves around school. Every weekday for most of my life has been spent inside a building with rules and people, and I am completely unsure of what life is going to be like next. I mean, I'm heading to university at Texas Tech and all, but I don't know how different that will be. Everyone says that college is a googolplex times better than high school, but I don't know if I trust people's judgment on the subject. I guess I'll just have to dive in on my own. Yes. Well, since I have been thinking a lot about the four years of my life called high school, I thought I would review my high school experience. Be prepared. Angst is bound to appear somewhere.

PACE HIGH

Freshman Year, 2007-2008:
I really enjoyed Freshman year. Except for Algebra. I didn't like Algebra. This was the first year that I truly was tested with who were my friends and who were using me. Unfortunately, I got used a lot by people for my smarts, not that I regret being smart or anything, just the being used part. I got closer to Audrey in Freshman year, something that was awesome. I think we ate lunch together this year, which was cool. I liked the block schedule of Pace High, and I miss it. This was the year that Shakespeare really impacted my life. Mrs. Schlenker, my Honors English teacher, not only taught us about Shakespeare, but we read 'Much Ado About Nothing', which is one of my top favorite Shakespearean plays. She let me borrow some of her Shakespeare books, something I didn't return until the end of Sophomore year. I also believe that I read every single book on her bookshelf, which was pretty impressive if you think about it. She was my favorite teacher that year. This was the year I decided to take Chorus (meh) and Intoduction to Theatre. I made some really good friends in that class, but overall, I didn't like Into to theatre. Some things went down that I didn't like. Eh. What else?  Oh, this was the first year that I was a vegetarian, something that caused a lot of controversy in the area with the people I was around. It caused a problem during Honors Biology dissecting time; I refused to do it on moral grounds, and the teacher (Coach Gill?) threatened me with a five page paper on a sciencey thing. I delivered a well written (for a Freshman), six page paper on the similarities and differences and cohesive existence of the theories of Creationism and Evolution. That went over...well. Hah! I did my first high school theatre performance as well, which was High School Musical. It truly is as painful as it sounds, but it was fun. I can't bring myself to watch the dvd, though. This is the year I found the best Youth Group I've ever known, and I miss it to this day, Woodbine Methodist. Still, ninth grade was my second favorite year in school. Fantastic.

This is me from Freshman Year. MySpace was cool, so this angle was cool, too. Don't judge. I was only fourteen.

Sophomore Year, 2008-2009:
I liked Sophomore Year, too. It was nice. In case you didn't know, (which you probably don't) Audrey is my best friend. And this was a year that was interesting for us. She joined tennis, I think, and started driving. I didn't. Mostly because I'm not fit enough to play--wait, you meant driving? Oh yeah, I was just lazy. However, point: we actually had classes together for the first time. English first semester and Chem second semester. Hah. English. I still have the DVD of Hamlet Act 5 that we had to do for a project, and I literally cried when I watched it. It was awful, but we thought it was brilliant. Sophomores think they own the world, don't they? Anyhow. This is the year I took French 1&2 and I fell in love with it. Madame Christenberry will forever go down in the books as one of my favorite teachers ever. Hmmm... I dropped theatre this year. That may have been the healthiest and hardest decision I ever had to make in high school. There were some things that went down, and I just couldn't deal. However, my friends were still mostly all theatre kids, so I was there two nights for every show, sitting in the front row, cheering on my friends for all of their talent. I remember being so proud of Madeline when she was the lead in Pride and Prejudice. I was so happy for everyone. I got to go see Rocky Horror Show live this year, and it was amazing, especially since I saw it with Emily. I don't remember a lot of Sophomore year aside from hanging out with friends--oh wait! I went to every single Home football game. You thought I didn't like sports... *Scoff* No. I just don't understand them, and by them, I mean football. Mostly, I just liked Sophomore year. It was sad to leave my friends because I moved, so it was a bittersweet year.

This is me from Sophomore Year. Shorter hair was the thing that year. At least, after November. Still, my face shape :| Wow. Hah.

LEONARDTOWN HIGH

Junior Year, 2009-2010:

This year sucked. This was my least favorite year of high school. I wouldn't go back and redo Junior Year if you paid me. Granted, I did meet wonderful people this year like Carrie, Jeannine, and Christina. Junior Year, I decided that AP Classes were the crizazy cool thang, and took three of them. Mistake. I didn't do so well there. They don't really tell you that Junior Year will be the hardest, but it is. To top it all off, I got back into theatre this year. They put me into Theatre 2, and I met some people I honestly would not be the same without *cough CONNOR cough*. It was an...interesting thing, Theatre 2. I already knew all of what they taught, but it was a hard year with the teacher. Up to this point, my history with theatre teachers is just sad. And frustrating. I did do a musical though; Thoroughly Modern Millie. It was a good musical, just...a lot of drama in Drama, especially with the director. It was hard, but I had one of the best one liners of all time that was more of a paragraph. Plus, I got to wear a wig. Yo. Not a lot happened since it wasn't my favorite year. Favorite teacher that year, Ms. Curran, my AP Language and Composition teacher, for sure. She's so nice and sweet, and I hated that my class was so rude to her. Interestingly enough, that's where I met Christina and Sarah, though, so that was cool. OH! WAIT! This was the year I really got into YouTube and found Nerdfighteria through the VlogBrothers. It was amazing. Also, this is the year that we got Netflix. Netflix allowed me to get into a lot of what I love: Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Favorite show of the year. Yes. Hmm... I also got into YoungLife this year. So, even though it was my worst High School year, it was still alright. Sort of. It balanced out sometimes. 

This is me from Junior Year. I love those glasses. Seriously. You can definitely see the change from Sophomore to Junior year.

Senior Year, 2010-2011:

Senior Year was the best. Not only did I have the easiest classes, but I only had four because I took a half day. Also, I could drive to school, which was AWESOME. Seriously. I took AP Literature this year, which was my favorite class. I love reading so much. This was the year that musical theatre took over. I was in Into the Woods as the Stepmother, a favorite role of mine. I got dedication on one of the days, which in theatre is a very big deal. I loved it all. The second semester is when I made a lot of great friends and got close to a lot of people. I started being... liked? I guess that's the word. It was an interesting thing, because I have always had this feeling that I wasn't likable or that I shouldn't have friends, and this changed Senior Year. (I still don't understand why or how I have friends...don't judge me.) A significant change this year was that I decided to go for a straight fringe (bangs) which I both really loved and really regret because it is taking me forever to grow them back out again. I did two One Acts this year, which was new, and I rather enjoyed that. Connor introduced me to some new musicals that have made my life grand. Seriously. OH! I went to NYC for the first time this year in October for a wedding and then again in April for a theatre field trip. I saw my first Broadway shows, a straight play and a musical. I saw Bengal Tiger at the Baghdad Zoo which was an absolute mind trip and I loved it. It had Robin Williams. We also saw How to Succeed In Business Without Really Trying with Daniel Radcliffe and John Larroquette. From that show, Chels and I became obsessed with Christopher J. Hanke who played the delightfully hilarious villain. The trip showed me how much I really wanted to be on stage and drove me to be an actress. I got into Texas Tech for and English major, and have decided to double major in English and Theatre and see where it takes me. What else... Oh. I won Prom Queen. Not a big deal. Hah. OH MY GOODNESS. I also got into really nerdy things. Like, DOCTOR WHO. New favorite show. I never thought anything could beat Buffy, but I readily admit that it does. Really, that's about it. I had a wonderful Senior Year. I mean, there were definitely large ups and terrible downs, but that's life. 

This is me Senior Year. Long hair. Slimmerish face. Yes.

Overall, High School has been an experience. I'm ready for the new chapter in my life to begin. And I welcome it with open arms and no regrets.

I am not a skinny girl

I am not a skinny girl.
I hate my body most days. I hate that I have psoriasis. I hate my open-mouth smile. I hate that I've never been in a relationship. I hate that I am lonely. I hate that I am overemotional. I hate that I get compulsive and obsess over shows or trivia. I hate that my range is broken. I hate that I wear a size 14 dress. I hate that I am not as confident as I seem. I hate that I am angry. I hate that I don't think that I'm pretty. I hate that I'm not worthwhile. I hate that I am honest, but withhold a lot of the truth.

Eighteen years, I have been dealing with the things that I hate about myself. Eighteen long years. As a teenager growing into womanly adulthood, I am dealing with a lot more these days. I see what is on the television and in magazines. I see what the world tells me to see. I see what everyone is saying I should look like. I understand what the world tells me, I really do. There are things I love about myself-my laugh, nose, eyes, sense of humor- but I'm not going into that. The thing is, I have accepted who I am, sort of. I have accepted and embraced the fact that I am not skinny. I'm not all that confident, and I know it. I try my best though, and sometimes it's good enough, and sometimes it's not.
I have a hard time with comparing myself to other girls my age, sometimes my closest friends. But if I changed my outward appearance, it wouldn't help how I feel on the inside. I could get skinny and wear a size 6, but if I'm unable to accept myself, none of that matter. I go through days where I am so angry that I'm not the standard. I get so upset after watching a rom-com that I just cry and cry over the fact that I won't get the guy. But, I have begun to accept myself. I like me most of the time. I may not like certain attributes of myself, but holistically, I'm pretty awesome. It has taken me a long long time for this, and I still struggle daily. Every single day. I get angry, sure, but I can't live my life letting that get me down. If I want to, I can change for the better. Whether it's for you or for me is when it becomes an issue. I will not change simply because somebody wants me to. I have to want to do it for myself. But, there will always be a part of me that has this self hatred for some things. It's hard to rid yourself of those things. It's hard to fix what eighteen years has built up.
I am not a skinny girl. However, I am extraordinary in other ways. People just don't know it.

Equality

So, it's 9:37 a.m. Central time, and I'm sitting in my grandmother's house, everyone is asleep, and I'm listening to Hair thinking about peace, hippies, love, war, and mostly, equality. Hair, the musical, always puts me in a big protesting mood for some reason. I think that it has a very apparent message, and everyone should listen to it. Aside from that thought about Hair, the rest of this will make sense.
(I think that was my segue into what I actually want to talk about.)
For those who know me well, they know that I'm quite the advocate for treating people the same no matter race, gender, sexual orientation, political affiliation, mental state,  or religion. I have friends from everywhere. I've friends who are gay, black, Mormon, Republicans, mentally retarded (yes, in the actual sense of the word where it isn't an insult.), bisexual, Egyptian, Atheist, and so much more. I grew up in a way where I treated everyone the same, and there wasn't a prejudice against others. I am not quite sure what put me in this kind of spin this morning, but I think it might be know it is this video. I follow Gavin Creel on Facebook, not only because of his talent when it comes to Broadway--twice nominated for a Tony-- and that I like him, but also because of his involvement and co-founding in Broadway Impact (I recommend implore that you click the link if you want to know more).
I'm not gay, but I certainly advocate for those who are and their rights. In every one of the fifty states in the United States, I have the right to marry whomever I desire, which is awesome for me, but totally sucks for others who don't have that right. There are five, five states that perform gay marriages: Vermont, Connecticut, Iowa, New Hampshire, and Massachusetts, and in Washington D.C. Wow. 5 states out of 50. That's 1/10 of our country. 10%. Wow. Not only that, but same-sex adoptions aren't allowed in many states, which I find absolutely heartbreaking. There really is no reason that two men or two women can't take care of and love a child as a man-woman couple can. In my opinion, and many others, a gay couple being married affects nobody else. Marriage is not only an open proclamation of love, but it also gives financial and other legal rights that should be afforded to everyone. I also strongly believe that gay couples should have the right to have children and adopt.
There have been equality revolutions forever. Women wanted to have equal rights, and for the most part, we have them. For that, I am forever grateful. I can go to college. I can vote. It's great. Blacks wanted their equality, and got it. So, answer me this: why can't gays? I don't understand how it is anyone else's business about how someone lives their life. People should be able to love who the want, where they want, how they want, no matter the consequences or risk of persecution. I want to live in a country where gays can marry. I hope that my own children will grown up in a world where everyone can get married, and nobody's persecuted. It's unjust. It's unconstitutional. In a country where we claim freedom, we sure do love to give it to only people we think should have it, not everyone. Let's stand by our word and give everyone the same freedom and rights. Our country is a lot more than red tape and ridiculous bureaucrats who don't care about the people who have wants. It's about the people's voices and our rights to use them.
No matter what, everyone deserves the same treatment and rights. It's not a privilege. It's a right. It's human decency. Let's give everyone what they deserve. If you live in a state that doesn't have same-sex marriage rights, do something about it. Don't just sit on your ass complaining; do something. There is stuff all over the internet. You can contact people and get in touch with those who want to help. Part of the whole problem is that not many people are stepping up and facing the problems. We have to face problems head on. I can email and call all I want, but it takes more than just one person, and when more than one person say something together, it gets harder and harder to block out the voices.
I understand and know that not everyone agrees with me on this topic. But I figure that if one person disagrees with me, one or more people agree, and then things will change. I may be a high schooler, but I have plans to help change our country and mindsets for the future. I am okay with people dropping me as friends or alienating me for my beliefs because I'm ready to stand up for mine. This is not an issue in which I will back down easily. I will stand up for this for as long as it's necessary, and I truly hope others do, too.

Eighth Grade...

So, I'm graduating this year, and thinking back, eighth grade was a long time ago. About 5 years ago, actually. So, to celebrate the almost end of high school, I'm going to take you back to eighth grade: when I was  am a dork.

1. Who was your best friend?
Audrey Harmon. That one still remains today. Met on a bus, you know? Listening to music. Never saying a word for a while. We just became friends.

2. Who did you go out with?
Nobody. Ever. 

3. What sports did you play?
I chose the flute over sports. Good move, I'd say.

4. Did you buy your lunch?
Yes. It was not good. At all. Mostly, I ate chips.

5. Skip School?
Sometimes. I didn't do it a whole lot in eighth grade.

6. Did you get suspended/expelled?
All day er' day. (No.)

7. What was your favorite class?
English, fo sho. I loved my teacher and the things we read, except The Giver. I didn't really like that book, much.

8. What was your school's name?
Thomas L. Sims Middle School if I remember correctly.

9. Did you go to the dances?
The winter one, yes. I found a picture of me then, and I wanted to punch myself for not wearing a dress.

10. If you could go back would you?
With the things I know now and the lifestyle I abide by, yes. Sure.

11. Where did you sit at lunch?
My science class. They didn't really get along with me all that well. So, yeah...

12. Who was your science teacher?
Oh my gosh, I had 2. I don't remember their actual names. I think it was Mrs. L-something and the other teacher, all I can remember, is that she was a member of NASA.

13. Who was your English teacher?
Mrs. Hess. Oh, how I do not like that woman. She forced me to reorganize her closet for extra credit AND yelled at me without cause.. yay...

14. Who was your history teacher?
Ms. Ebanks. Loved her.

15. Who was your math teacher?
Mrs. Short? Gosh, this was forever ago.

16. Did you think you were cool?
Have I ever been cool?

17. Describe your outfits in 8th grade?
Um...exactly the same thing I wear now except that I wore those skater shoes that were all padded and stuff.

18. Did you even have a cellphone?
Yes. Yes I did.

19. Who was your favorite teacher?
Mr. Atchinson. Oh, please tell me I said the name right.

20. What's your most memorable moment?
First time Audrey spent the night and we had a blast.

21. What's your least favorite memories?
Starting my first day of school weeks after they had...on September 11.

22. What was your best accomplishments?
Meeting my best friend and having the highest score of those reading points- the ones you get from taking those tests-in the entire school.

23. What action do you regret the most?
Not becoming vegetarian sooner.

24. What did you spend the most time doing on weekends?
Hanging out with Audrey.

25. Did you make any lifelong friendships?
Definitely. Most definitely.

Into the Woods

I wish...
The first and last words of a musical that has changed my life. It's hard to come by a show with a cast as great as the one that I have just finished working with. Most people don't have such an impact on my like this show and cast did. Something about this amazing show with these people just opened me up to a whole new level of amazing. How am I supposed to go back to regular life without seeing these people every day like I've gotten used to? It's hard knowing that now I'm not spending hours working on choreography or running the same scene over and over. It's hard knowing how much I miss doing people's makeup or hair and that I won't be doing it anymore. I will miss singing with you backstage. I will even miss butt tag because let's face it: that game is ridiculous.
The songs and words of Sondheim just gave everyone such a chance to shine. Whether it was a character part like I had or a main role, you took the words on the page and made them your own. I cannot help but laugh at scenes with Jack and the way it was interpreted or feel so sad for the Baker at his loss from the interpretation.You all reached down inside of yourselves and achieved something amazing in the acting aspect. Songs like No More and Hello Little Girl, Moments in the Woods and Agony all have something amazing to them and each was interpreted with such enthusiasm that I cannot wait to go back and watch the musical all over again. 
I've made some absolutely awesome friends because of Into the Woods. I've gotten to know people I honestly cannot imagine not meeting. Some people, I never knew going into the show. Some people I knew for a year or got to know that year prior to the show. Some people changed my life in this show and made me feel better when I was as far down as I could go. Some of your smiles and encouragement got me through the hard times, and some of you just knew how to make me laugh. The friends I've made will not be easily lost.
The show has been my favorite that I've ever done in high school and it will stay that way forever. The costumes, makeup, hair, set, everything,it was amazing. I'm going to miss it ridiculously. So, to my cast, I have a few things that I want you to know and it's all from the heart. I love you all and I am very very pleased to have worked with you and to have been on this incredible Senior year show with you. You all amaze me with your talent. I know that we all had some struggling times, but we got through them, and that's all that matters in the end. The music went so incredibly (pit band, I love you guys). The tech aspect was really really well done (techies, I love you). And mostly, actors: actors and actresses, you all inspire me so much. I can see some of you going to Broadway, and I cannot wait for the day when that becomes a reality. Directors, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me a chance to play such a character. Honestly, cast, I fed off of you all when I was playing Stepmother. I wouldn't have been able to do it without you. I've probably said it before, but I will say it again: I cannot thank you enough for the dedication. It just warms my heart to know that people care about me that much and that I was accepted so well into this theatre department and the show.
When I'm off at college, I will miss you all dearly. I'm going to miss some of my Juniors and Sophomores and Freshmen, and I know that you will make it somehow without us Seniors. Soon, it's your chance to shine. I wish nothing but the best for everyone, and I hope to work with a few of you again before that day of graduation arrives. I love you all.

Note: Literally, I cried while writing this. It may have also been due to the song I was listening to, but I'm going to link it/show it so you can listen. What he's singing about in the song is exactly how I feel about you all. Just, whenever he says Michael Buckley, replace it with your name.
You Should Know--Michael Lombardo

It's the last day...

...of my "blog every day in February" thing. It's been fun, I think. I've talked about Buffy and Egypt and Social Networking and the ocean. I'm excited to do my blog more, but I'm not going to be blogging every single day anymore. While showing me that dedication is an important part of life, it has also really stressed me out. Remembering to blog daily and also have a good topic is not easy. From now on, I'm only going to write when inspired or updating. I'm so thankful to my current followers, and I'm looking forward to the future.
If you want me to talk about anything specific, leave a comment. :)

Snowball--A Dance

So I went to a dance. It was the winter formal dance, and my friends made me go. I went 'stag', and I couldn't have had a better time.I'm extremely happy that they did make me go. I arrived fashionably late, an hour late, and got there around 8 pm. The dance was only from 7-10. I arrived in a dress with my hair done and makeup, wearing a really nice dress with 4 inch heels. Suffice to say, I got told that I looked hot the entire night. That's a confidence booster for you. I really loved dancing with my friends and showing everyone my 'I can have a really good time' side. I got to dance with my best friends. I did the robot a few times, which was awesome. I loved being the only girl in the whole place actually having my purse attached to my wrist. It was fantastic. Also, I was one of the few girls (like, 10) who was still wearing shoes the whole time, which was kind of hurtful, but worth it. Now, my legs are ridiculously sore and my whole body is tired, but it was amazing. Also, I'm pretty deaf from the music, but oh well. I had an amazing dance.

Angry Face.

I love being screwed over by my high school in the possibility of getting a scholarship for college. Thanks for not sending my SAT scores when I asked. It is really appreciated. Thanks. Thanks a bunch. That totally made my day.




I am not in the mood to discuss further. I'm just angry.

Filler words

I hate using filler words. I used to have this huge problem with using the words "dude" and "man" after my sentences. It finally stopped before Freshman year. I was so thankful. I didn't know why I did it. It got extremely annoying. Now, I know many people (specifically girls) who use the word "like" when they don't know what to say. Also, "uh", "umm", "emm", "so like", "and yeah", "you know", and "so" are just a few examples. Now, of course there are times to use these words. It's when the words take over our vocabularies is when I get worried. I don't want the English language to get ruined by our filler words. If you make a conscious effort, like I've done, you can stop it. Also, if you know what you want to say, it makes it a lot easier.

I go...

Up to down.
Side to side.
Sad to happy.
Crying to laughing.
Angry to joyous.
There to here.
Fast to slow.
From past to present.
Dreaming to heartbroken.
Sighs to glances.
From fair to unfair.
Cold to warm.
Pensive to brainless.
Witty to dull.


I am human.
I am eighteen.
I am a woman.
I am a hormonal one.
That's my life.
I change my moods.
I go from sad to happy in the blink of an eye.
It's crazy.
I'm crazy.
We're all crazy.
Get over it.
Or don't.
I don't care.
All I know is that I'm living life.
Life is being lived.
I cannot help this.
It's my fate.
If you believe in fate.
I do.
I think thoughts and turn them to actions.
Or I don't.
Either way I'm okay.
I think.
I'll cope no matter what.
Life throws me curveballs.
All I can do is swing and hope I hit the ball.

Pirates of the Caribbean

First off, how do you say Caribbean? Is it Care-ih-bee-an or Ca-rib-ian? I pronounce it the first way.

Anyway, I've been watching the Pirates of the Caribbean movies over the past two days. I'm now watching At World's End, probably my favorite aside from the first. I love these movies. I've always loved pirates (pirates win over ninjas) and I love these characters. Jack Sparrow, I mean Captain Jack Sparrow is fantastic. I love that pirate. He's awesome. I love the Will/Elizabeth relationship. A lot. I get really angry about them in the second movie, but the third movie plus the easter-egg ending really gave into my hopeless-romantic side. I do love it all. I love the ending of the second movie.

Now, for the new movie: I'm unsure how I feel. I suppose I absolutely have to see it, which I definitely will. I love Jack Sparrow, I'm just not sure how the movie is going to go for me without Will and Elizabeth. I shall see. Well, I'm in love with the series, I have a captain hat from Disneyworld. I'm gonna watch the movie now. Enjoy. 

One Week

And now that Barenaked Ladies song is stuck in my head.

Anyhow, I thought I'd bring up some interesting tidbits to this week. First, I have one week left of Blogging every single day, and I think that is quite awesome. I cannot believe that I actually have made it this far. It's been hard, but I'm not ready to celebrate yet. I still have a week. Second, I'm doing the 30 hour famine Friday/Saturday, and I'm pumped. Third, I've a dance to attend Saturday. It should be interesting.

Okay, so I'm in a very Pirates of the Caribbean mood this week. I just finished the first, and now I need to watch the last two. I'm unsure of how I really feel about the fourth installment. It should be good, but I really really like the Will/Elizabeth storyline. So, we'll see how that goes.

Anyhow, have a good night/day/week.

Walmart, Driving, and the Night.

I did my family's grocery shopping at Walmart at 8:30-10:15 tonight. I have to say, it was quite an experience. There are some things you need to understand about my feelings on the Walmart situation. A: I do not like to shop at Walmart. Period. B: I am not fond of the Walmart parkinglot. C: I hate that Walmart has like, 20 checkout places with only one open at a time. It's ridiculous. Anyhow, I got my grocery shopping done, but while I was doing it, I got some pretty strange looks. Here are some possible explanations: A: I am an eighteen year old female. B: I was listening to my iPod whilst shopping. C: I was grocery shopping...at night. I'm thinking it's a bit of everything there. I don't know, but I just laugh it off. All I know, is that even though Walmart claims "lower prices", their food is not cheap; I certainly prefer shopping at the Commissary.

Well, even though Walmart itself is crazy, you should have the priveledge of knowing some other things: A: I got coffee from Dunkin' Donuts before Walmart; it was ice coffee, so I should really say that it was milk and sugar with a bit of Coffee. B: Driving at night is my favorite time of the day to drive; it's so peaceful, and I always hit every green light, plus not a soul bugs me on the road. C: I listened to the "Once More With Feeling" soundtrack on the way home, and felt extremely happy. Good night.

Okay, so those were my adventures for tonight. I wish I was nocturnal. I love the night. The moon, the stars, the empty roads, the cold, the sounds... it's all my favorite. I suppose that's one of the many reasons I love vampire-lore so much. I guess I just want to live in the night. I love it.

(Side note: I noticed that I used many ABC lists, and I apologize. It's just one of those moods. I'm going to go watch Buffy and cut up fruit/veggies and do laundry. Night.)

On the cellular device...

so i am writing off of my cell phone because i have been busy all day. i am babysitting and i have been watching the chronicles of narnia. that is one of my favorite series ever. i am slightly upset i forgot to write this earlier in the day but better late than never i suppose. i also hate that i cannot writein capital letters or use proper punctuation. i feel like i am the other will grayson in will grayson willgrayson. ah well. i must be off. i will sleeep soon i guess. i sincerely apologize for the uh grammar in this. i could change it later but i probably wont. enjoy yourself.

INFJ

Today, I found out something about myself that I knew, but couldn't find the word for. I am an INFJ. This is a character type from the Myers-Briggs Personality Test, which has 16 personalities. It's described as:

• I – Introversion preferred to extraversion: INFJs tend to be quiet and reserved. They generally prefer interacting with a few close friends rather than a wide circle of acquaintances, and they expend energy in social situations (whereas extraverts gain energy).
• N – Intuition preferred to sensing: INFJs tend to be more abstract than concrete. They focus on the big picture rather than the details, and on future possibilities rather than immediate realities.
• F – Feeling preferred to thinking: INFJs tend to value personal considerations above objective criteria. When making decisions, they often give more weight to social implications than to logic.
• J – Judgment preferred to perception: INFJs tend to plan their activities and make decisions early. They derive a sense of control through predictability.

All of this is 100% true for me. I don’t understand how I can be so labeled by a test. Apparently, INFJs are the rarest of the personality types, so I guess I’m one the unique ones. A lot of my personality is explained through this. Here are some traits of the INFJ:

• Intuitively understand people and situations
• Idealistic
• Highly principled
• Complex and deep
• Natural leaders
• Sensitive and compassionate towards people
• Service-oriented
• Future-oriented
• Value deep, authentic relationships
• Reserved about expressing their true selves
• Dislike dealing with details unless they enhance or promote their vision
• Constantly seeking meaning and purpose in everything
• Creative and visionary
• Intense and tightly-wound
• Can work logically and rationally - use their intuition to understand the goal and work backwards towards it

I make sense with all of the descriptions above. In relationships, INFJs are the following:

“INFJs are warm and affirming people who are usually also deep and complex. They're likely to seek out and promote relationships that are intense and meaningful. They tend to be perfectionists, and are always striving for the Ultimate Relationship. For the most part, this is a positive feature, but sometimes works against the INFJ if they fall into the habit of moving from relationship to relationship, always in search of a more perfect partner. In general, the INFJ is a deeply warm and caring person who is highly invested in the health of their close relationships, and puts forth a lot of effort to make them positive. They are valued by those close to them for these special qualities. They seek long-term, lifelong relationships, although they don't always find them.” 

I think that knowing this, I may know how to interact with people better. In the long term, this knowledge will be very beneficial. If you want to know how you fit, take the Myers-Briggs test for yourself.

Egypt-the Revolution

So, for those who don't know, something big went down in Egypt. I'm not talking, "big" as in the new iPod came out; I'm talking revolution, and it's all thanks to the social networking sites of Facebook and Twitter and the youth of the country. Here's how it went down:
On January 25, 2011, protests started happening following the events of Tunisia. There were strikes, protests, rallies, marches, all of which were pretty peaceful. Thousands of people gathered to protest. By the 28th, the "Day of Rage" began, and the military was ordered to assist the police. No major violence happened. On the 29th, a curfew was instated, but the people protested into the night. The military refused to use live ammunition, instead opting for rubber bullets if necessary. Things are still pretty peaceful at this point. On February 1st, Mubarak addressed the people saying that he wouldn't run again in September, but that was not good enough for the people of Egypt. They wanted political reform now, not in September. On this day, pro-Mubarak and anti-Mubarak people start fighting, but no major violent interactions happen. On February 2nd, the mass of pro-Mubarak protesters started fighting the anti-Mubarak protesters for real. The military was constantly trying to stop the fighting, and many felt it was the government's doing, the use of 'pro-Mubarak people' to fight the anti-Mubarak people. It was an attempt to stop the protests, but it failed. At this point, Mubarak refused to step down. Many felt that Mubarak was using the instability in the fighting to try and end the protests. Journalists were starting to get attacked (there was a 60 Minutes journalist who was sexually assaulted before being helped). On the 5th of February, the protests in Tahrir Square continue, as well as all over the country. Christians held mass in the square, all while protected by a ring of Muslims (that's something important to think about). The army stepped up their security role, protecting the people and the Egyptian museums which were being looted at the time. On the 10th, Mubarak makes an address, and people are expecting him to step down, but he only talks about transferring his power to his VP Suleiman and that Mubarak would stay as head of state. This does not please the people of Egypt at all because they want a total political reform; they don't want another Mubarak. The anger and frustration started to escalate in the land, and the intensity of demonstrations increased. At 6:00 p.m. on the 11th, Suleiman finally addressed the country, stating that Mubarak was resigning and that the Supreme Council of Egyptian Armed Forces (military) would be in charge of the country until the next election. On the 12th, the Supreme Council of Egyptian Armed Forces suspended the Constitution and disbanded parliament. Major protests subsided at this point, but the people are still weary. As of the 16th of February, at least 365 deaths were reported, and many were injured. That is the costly factor of a revolution, and it's sad.
What's amazing about this revolution is that it started with the Young people of Egypt (the college-aged). It all got initially organized on Facebook. Throughout the revolution, people of Egypt kept tweeting the events and updating Facebook, even when the government pulled the Internet. It was amazing, their courage and determination to get what they truly wanted: freedom from an dictating ruler. Some other countries, like Iran, have tried to follow the suit of Egypt, but are being hit with force and death. If they want what they truly desire, though, they need to go for it. That's what Egypt did, and they ended up having a revolution that got them endless new government possibilities in just 18 days. 18 days to start a new Egypt. That's just mind-blowing. If Egypt did this all over the social networking sites to make their points and change their countries, couldn't the US do the same? Or any other country for that matter.

True Beauty

You cannot fake true beauty. You can wear nice clothes, makeup, get your hair done, and wear jewelry, but you cannot fake true beauty. You can compliment with meaningless remarks, but you cannot fake your beauty. The dictionary defines beauty as something extraordinary, and if you're made of true beauty, then you are really something extraordinary. Truly beautiful people love and let love it. They are sincere when they compliment. To be truly beautiful, you don't have to look like a goddess or anything. You just have to respect and enjoy people. True beauty on the inside will reflect on your outside appearance. No matter what, if you're truly beautiful, you will attract those around you because people will want to be around you. People who are kind, gentle, respecting, confident, and sweet are truly beautiful in my book.


So I ask: are you truly beautiful or are you putting up a front?

Good Day

It has been a really good day today. It sounds like I'm surprised, and I am. I have had a lot of fun today. I got out of school and went to a meeting, then I came home and watched Being Human. That was a really good episode. Then, I hung around yourpants.org for awhile and had a good time talking to people. Then, I went to Panera Bread and hung out with my friends for about 3 or so hours. I just got done watching a really good episode of Glee. Seriously, I have had such a good day.

I can only hope that my positive mood stays for the week...month...year. I like being happy and positive, and I love days like today.

YoungLife and Valentine's Day.

For those of you who don't know, I'm involved in a little something I call YoungLife. It's an outreach program to bring people into Jesus. If it's not your kind of thing, that's cool, but it's mine and I love it. I have such great friends there and I thoroughly enjoy it. Some of my favorite memories have happened at a YoungLife camp or in Club.
Tonight was our first Club-get together for everyone where we play games and listen to music and talk about Jesus and stuffs- since the last semester, and I think it went awesomely. We had to move to a new facility since last semester, but I really liked this facility; it allowed for more hangout and relaxation. We, as leaders (I'm a leader) got to fellowship some with a dinner and discussion, and I really liked this new change. Our leader, Kevin, was really right in the idea that food will bring people together when it comes to having a good time. I'm so blessed that we have such a great group of people committed to this Club. I have some of my closest people there, and they aren't the teenagers--they are the 30ish-year-olds.
Anyhow, Club was about love, and it made me think. Today's Valentine's Day, right? I mean, it's a day where a lot of people spend money on their significant other, trying to "prove" their love. It's also a day where people mourn their lack of lovers. I don't think we should take this approach. 1: Valentine's Day has Christian origins which you can read here: Origins of Valentine's Day. 2: Valentine's Day should not be a day where you try and "prove" your love. Yes, it's awesome that you got your girlfriend a Teddy-Bear, and it's really sweet, but it's more than that. We should show the people, romantically or not, that we love them every single day. You don't need one day to show love. Love is about you and others, and it's not needing to be filled with chocolates and diamonds.
In YoungLife, we talked about God's love (Jesus' love, actually). We are supposed to show love all of the time. We are supposed to be these examples of Christ, in turn, becoming examples of love. We are to love and let love in.
So tonight/today, don't let not having a boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/fiance/other get you down. You need to enjoy love for what it is. It's being there for someone when they need it most. Telling them who they are to their face. And that's what YoungLife did today. I hope that someone got something out of it. I really hope that people try to let Valentine's Day be a day to love honestly, not superficially. There's nothing better than a truthful kind of love.
Oh, and I did a vlog on my YouTube about Valentine's Day which you can watch here.

Enjoy your day/night/in-between.

The ocean.

I love to look at the ocean. I mean, come on. Look at this:

However, I can't swim in the ocean. I can swim, just not in the ocean. Not in any open water, actually. I'm absolutely terrified of swimming with fish and not being able to touch the floor. It was hard when I actually lived on the beach in Perdido Key, Florida, but it's hard explaining to people. I love everything about the ocean. The magnificent sea life, the colors, the alien feel to it, the water, but I can't do it. I cannot swim in the ocean. It's hard, seeing as my favorite animal is the shark. See:

How can you not love that? My personal favorite is the hammerhead. Anyhow, I just wish I could swim in the ocean. I know that I would love it. I just cannot get over the terror of being in the ocean.

Perfect world.

If we lived in a perfect world:
There would be no pain.
There would be no heartbreak.
There would be no disease.
There would be no war.
There would be no famine.
There would be no hatred.
There would be no discrimination.

Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world and that leaves us with these things.
But, in our imperfect world, we have:
Love.
Art.
Faith.
Hope.
Family.
Friends.
Chocolate.

Just because something that seems "perfect" is good, doesn't mean it's better.
Without those things that make us imperfect, we'd never have all the things that make us human.
One day, maybe we can remove some of those imperfections to make our world better.
For now, seize the moment.
Carpe diem to the maximum.
Change something if you want it changed.
But mostly, just love and let love in.

Tired face is tired.

I have to stop writing these blogs after 9. It's driving my head crazy. I'm so incredibly tired. Tomorrow, I promise I'll write a worthwhile blog. In the meantime, here's what I look like at this very moment of typing this (which isn't now because time...happens):

I look so happy, huh. You have to love the dark mark on my arm though, right? Yeah. It's in pen. hah.
Okay, just because you've stuck around for me looking like a tired person and feeling like one, also my thoughts are like "wahwishnlknetpappojnmnnn", here's a better picture on how to dance. Night.

Favorite song.

I have been asked what my favorite song is by a few people and surveys throughout my life. I'm going to tell you. It's not contemporary or a musical song or anything oldies. It's classical. It's Clair de Lune. It's beautiful and puts me in such a good, mellow, somber mood. I loved the song way before Twilight made it popular. It's a love song that changes so much and I love it. I could listen to the song every single day for the rest of my life. Only the piano version, though. The orchestral version is just alright. I love the way that a piano playing it makes me want to cry. I love this song.
Clair de Lune

Blog Every Day in February

This is hard. Writing a blog every day is not easy. I don't know why I decided to do it, but it's certainly giving me something to do. I'm having difficulty with it because I'm having a hard time to sit down and actually write something. I have a thousand billion ideas about what to write about, and I will write them. I just need more time in the day. Can I change the way we do time? How about more hours in a day? That'd be nice.
Anyway, I really do like blogging. I've got some good things heading this way as soon as I have time. I think tomorrow's blog will be good. Possibly. Probably. Most likely. Yeah.
Anyhow, I'm going to bed because I'm tired and I have to get up early in the morning to review for Catch-22. Yay! Yay? Yeah... I hope that I get myself on a good, long blog-writing track. Peace out, yo.

Oh! I did love my feedback on my poetry. I hope to do more of it. Be aware, my blogs are drastically different from day to day, but that's how normal life for me is. I'll be talking politics one moment, Buffy the next moment, and my falling down the stairs the next. Enjoy my life. Embrace it. It's for you to see.

Dream.

When you dream, it's in your head.
When it goes out of your head and into your heart, it's a wish.
When a wish goes from your heart and into the world, it's reality.
It's the future.
You have control over your future.
Use that control.
Don't let people tear you down.
Bring yourself up.
You are always worth it.
You have something someone else does not.
You are beautiful.
Talented.
Smart.
Kind.
Dream big.
Someday, it will be your reality.
And you will love it.
I believe in you.

It's A Survey: Angel Style

So, I hope you all saw my last survey about Buffy. It's my favorite show, so I wanted to do a blog about it. Here's the deal: I love doing surveys. It makes me think about who I liked, what I liked, and why I liked it. So, I've decided that every once in a while, I'm going to do a survey for shows, movies, or books I've experienced or been a fan of. I've decided to use the same survey for each one, so everything is consistent. 

This one is all about Angel: The Series, a spin-off of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Enjoy.  

Oh yeah, Spoilers.
Edit: I have decided to go back to what I've said and see if I feel any diferent. No changing will occur, but I will be adding things, and they'll be italicized and stuff.

1. The first character I fell in love with: I fell in love with Doyle. I couldn't get enough of him. He just had that accent and the personality that screamed "mysterious-looking guy with heart of gold". I loved the fact that he was kind of silly, and that he (Doyle, not the actor) couldn't act to save his life. I loved that he worked for the Powers That Be, but didn't let them control his life in every way. He was the perfect anti-hero. I was extremely upset when he died on the show and in real life.

2. The character I never expected to love as much as I do now:

I've two:
Cordelia Chase. On Buffy, I didn't really like her all that much. I liked that she stood up for herself and would tell you the truth. In Angel, though, she truly got to shine. She went from "Miss Sunnydale '99" to a strong, independent woman. She was the one that kept me laughing in the first seasons, but made me seriously think in the later seasons. Her relationship with Doyle was so sad, her almost getting to know him well, but missing it. Her relationship evolving with Wesley from old high school crush and guy who annoys to a best friend is one of my favorites. The most important, however, is her relationship with Angel. I could not believe the relationship those two had. They were perfect for each other. She kept him grounded and loved him for all he was worth. I was so angry, so angry, they never got together, officially. She was such a great motherly figure, and she took her vision issues in great stride. I'm so glad I can say she's one of my favorites. Plus, freaking Phantom Dennis. That was awesome, the two of them.

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce. I love Wesley. He is probably my favorite character on Angel. (Aside from Fred and Angel...) But he ranks HIGH up there. In Buffy, I could not stand the guy (mostly because I was angry that Giles was being kicked off the Watchers squad...and that's a totally different story for another day), but on Angel he redeemed himself so much. I loved season one and two's version of the somewhat comical and inexperienced Wesley. I love the fact that he became quite capable as a fighter and took charge as leader in the second and third seasons. However, I love the "dark Wesley" persona the best. Something about dark Wesley just changed the dynamics of the show for me. When he got with Lilah, I was shocked, but the relationship worked between them so well. I am a HUGE fan of the Wesley/Fred relationship, though. Nothing will tear them apart. Not even Illyria. I had moments when I was so angry at Wesley, but in the end, he'll always remain on top. I mean, this guy was willing to (and thought he did) kill his own father for the woman he dearly loved. Um, you also have no idea how badly I cried when he died. I just... gah.
(Notice how I didn't really like them as much on Buffy, but they ended up on top for me in Angel?)

3. The character everyone else loves that I don’t:  I don't really like Gunn. At all. I know that a lot of people really like him, and I just don't get it. He and Fred weren't the best couple and he got on my nerves. He didn't take responsibility for half of the things he did and he never really trusted Angel. I just never got into his character. There were moments, sure, but I didn't like him overall. Also, he changed so much when he entered Wolfram & Hart.  Plus, he pretty much signed Fred's life away. Way to go Gunn.

Edit: I figured out that the only reason I'm really bitter about Gunn is his Season 5-ness. I realize how much he really did help Fred as a person. He killed the professor for her so she wouldn't have that on her concsience forever. He was definitely a good guy. Yes, he came from the streets. Yes, he's a little quick to judge Angel. But, he did have to kill his sister after she turned to a vampire, and he really was an asset. I've eased up on Gunn a little. I do like him, he's just not my favorite.

4. The character I love that everyone else hates: I absolutely adore Fred! She's so awesome. I loved that she was smart and quirky and that she was asylum-crazy for the first episodes we knew her. She transformed from this little girl kind of character to this brilliant, strong female character. Her love for the men in her life was so strong. I loved the fact that she finally figured out that she was in love with Wes, but I hated her relationship with Gunn. She should've kissed Wes at the ballet. Garh. I loved that she got to head her own department in Wolfram & Hart and that it didn't take her over (well, you know what I mean.) evilly. She was still Fred. OH! And her and Lorne? Come on, that was amazing, their friendship. Plus, she was from Texas, hah. But when it comes down to it, she did not deserve the death she died. I cried so hard at her death. I was not prepared for that. 

5. The character I used to love but don’t any longer: I really really loved Lorne when he was only on every now and then. When he became full time, I feel like he lost his spark and pizazz. I love Lorne, don't get me wrong. I just didn't like the fact that he became full-time, because he had such a better impact as a recurring character. 

Edit: I love Lorne. I LOVE LORNE. I just didn't know what to answer this question with. But I stand by the fact that I loved him as a somewhat irregular character, and that he wasn't in every show. I loved his appearances. I looked forward to his name being in the "Guest Starring" section.

6. The character I would shag anytime: Angelus. Angelus, Angelus, Angelus. Not really Angel, but Angelus for sure. Seriously. I love his personality. You have no idea how glad I was when they brought out Angelus in Season 4. SO HAPPY. His personality is so maniacal and controlling and manipulative. Sure, he's evil, but so what? Also, definitely Wesley. Especially Dark Wesley. Like, when season 3 came around and especially season 4, I was like, "Oh yeah." Seriously. I get why Alyson Hannigan married Alexis Denisof. (Obviously, Spike too, but I love him on Buffy. His look, at least. After he went good, it wasn't so...the same. It's hard to explain.)

7. The character I’d want to be like: I kind of really want to be like Cordelia. She was really strong and stood her ground. She didn't take any smack, and she was a great leader. She was so loving, and smart. Also, sarcastic. Did I mention sarcastic? She wasn't afraid to speak the truth, either.

8. The character I’d slap: KNOX I DON'T LIKE YOU. Yeah, I'd slap Knox, and I'd slap him hard. Oh, also freaking Jasmine disguised as Cordy. I hated that. Major squick with the whole Connor thing. But, mostly and especially Knox.

9. A pairing that I love:  Romantically: I love Fred/Wesley. I love it love it love it. I wanted them together for so long, and I think he loved her since he really met her. It should've lasted longer, since he's her sunshine. Her only sunshine. Cordy/Angel. I'm so glad they got that kiss in season five. They deserved it. That was true love. Screw Angel/Buffy; I'm for Angel/Cordelia. She was so good for him.

Edit: I love Angel/Buffy. One of my favorites. Just saying. I liked them in the beginning, and I love them in the end. That episode where he was human and they could be together, yes yes yes.

Platonically: Spike/Angel. They are hilarious together. Seriously. The puppet episode "Smile Time", the Spike/Puppet-Angel scene was the highlight of the season. Oh and Caveman vs Astronauts! Seriously, that was amazing. Also, Lorne/Fred. When Fred died, I know that Lorne just gave up, and that saddened me. They were so close, and even though you didn't see it, you knew it.

10. A pairing that I despise: Gunn/Fred as my least drastic despise. Mostly because I'm not that fond of Gunn with her in the first place, and I'm way for Fred/Wes. Gru/Cordelia was just annoying, but I felt bad for him in the end...sorry, dude. Oh, and most importantly: CONNOR/CORDY-JASMINE. Ewwww. I hated that. Hate hate hate hate hated it. It was so terrible for that to be the true end of Cordelia. Blech.

11. Favorite male character (add a quote or favorite line): 

Angel. 

(You thought I would say Wesley, but you are wrong. It's Angel. He finally made me love him bunches. He made the show what it was.)

Quote from him: "There are three things I don't do: tan, date, and sing in public."

12. Favorite female character (add a quote or favourite line):

Fred.

Quote from her: "Can I say somethin' about destiny? Screw destiny! If this evil thing comes, we'll fight it and we'll keep fightin' it until we whup it. 'Cause destiny is just another word for inevitable, and nothing's inevitable as long as you stand up, look it in the eye, and say, "You're evitable!"

13. My five favorite characters: Angel, Fred, Wesley, Lorne, Cordelia (and Spike, of course, but I definitely preferred him on Buffy.).

14. My five least favorite characters: Knox, Jasmine's Cordelia, Kate, Jasmine, Connor. (I want to say Illyria so badly, but I kind of like her. I just hate that she took away Fred, but what she did for Wesley in the end redeemed her in my eyes.)

Edit: I need to explain my feelings about Connor. I like Connor. I just don't like how he fits into the puzzle. He certainly grew on my toward the end. I felt horrible for him in a few episodes, but I was also very angry at him in a few. True, he grew up without a mother, and true, he had some serious daddy issues, but he still couldn't control some things. He was only eighteen, so I am glad about most of season 5 with him. So, to sum up: I like the character, just not how he fits into everything.

15. Which character I am most like: I'm the most like Lorne. I'm very musically inclined. I would live in a karaoke bar if I could. Hah. But seriously, he is so sweet and caring. He calls people out on the things they refuse to see. He calls people by pet names like Angel-cakes or sweetie (something I do quite often with hun or sweetie, I don't know why). He's just a great guy with a great heart, or butt haha, but I think I'm most like him.

16. My deep, dark fandom secret: I wish that the show had completely skipped the whole Connor thing. I think the show would have taken a completely different turn, and it may have been on longer or different. I don't know. I just didn't like the Connor storyline. (It's not that I don't like Connor, it's just that I didn't like what happened with Connor. I liked him a lot better in season five.)